A Walk in the Park

Our after dinner routine often begins like this: “LET’S GET READY! READY! GET READY! YOU GOT YOUR HELMET? YOUR SHOES? LET’S GO!!!!!!” Often spoken as loudly as the capital letters imply.

And then E-Man runs to put on his shoes, grabs his helmet, gets put into his car seat and then our little red hatchback flies off into the night. No quiet time or winding down time for this family.

We often reach the park at around 9 pm. I know, most other toddlers are in bed before eight, but ours goes to bed about 10, well, ok 10-ish. I finish work late and because he has nothing better to do during the day than to sleep, eat, poop and play, so the night is family bonding time.

We almost always go to the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio Park. It’s a beautiful space with a waterway running through it.

We often spend our time playing with this spinning top catapult that you catapult into the air so you can watch it fly with the breeze with its inbuilt LED light flickering away amongst the park lamps.  E-Man loves this especially because he gets to pick up the top wherever it lands. Sometimes our spinning top catapult attracts other young kids who stop and watch us play. Sometimes I let them have a go as well. Most other times we bring our big bottle of bubbles and let E-Man run after the bubbles.

E-Man at Bishan Park. Can you see MacDonald’s across the waterway?

We aren’t the only ones in the park.

Once, as we walked towards the space we often occupy, we met an older couple dancing in rhythm with a ball and racquet. We were all mesmerised for a while. It looked a bit like tai chi or qi gong, but yet different. I had personally never seen anything like that before. E-Man loved it. He watched them for a while, enjoying the traditional Chinese music blaring from their small transistor radio.

After a while, when they stopped for a break, we went over to talk to them. Conversations always flow easily with a baby in your arms. They let him play with the ball and we realised the ball wasn’t as light as it seemed. They explained what they were practising was called “rhythm ball”, a form of tai chi (I think). They even gave me the opportunity to try out their steps. It was certainly not as easy as they made it look! They actually told me that there’s a lady who teaches a group of rhythm ball enthusiasts every Friday and Saturday evenings from 8 pm. I actually went to the park once during those times, but didn’t see anyone, sadly.

Another reason we like the park is because we get to see and meet so many dogs! E-Man is a HUGE animal lover. Every time he sees a little dog he HAS to go up and grab it. Much to the delight of the owner. They just love seeing a little baby run up to their dog to give it a big hug.

E-Man with me and Peaches, the dog my sister was dog-sitting

We also play catching and hide-and-seek. I can’t imagine anywhere else in the entire world where a baby can run completely uninhibited in a public park at 9 pm at night.

Oh, I guess at this juncture I should explain why he has to wear a helmet to the park. Yes. It’s because he runs TOO freely that sometimes he topples over. Most of the time it’s my fault because I play a serious(ly fun) game of catching with him. The park is so big and wide and safe that we just run like crazy people everywhere and once he ran too fast and toppled over head first on the path. I heard a thud. Do not judge me.

Needless to say, he has worn a helmet from that time on. It’s actually become a ritual for him. Like he knows that before he gets out of the car, he needs to put his helmet on. Then when he gets back into the car, he gets to take it out.

A few times since then, while playing hide-and-seek, he has accidentally bumped his head on a pole, which was completely pain-free. He even noticed the difference the helmut makes and insists on it when he goes out now.

Apart from the dog-walkers and rhythm ball dancers, I’ve come across late night picnic goers, cyclists, sword fighters, Thai boxers (I think?) and people just sitting on benches talking on phones.

It’s a really safe space for the community. I must also confess that there’s also a large MacDonald’s in the park. I’m not sure what the health conscious amongst us have to say about that, but we personally like it. We can go in and buy a cone anytime we want or even, I confess, chicken nuggets.

E-Man is also thoroughly tired out by the time we get home at 10. So by the time he gets home, he is completely spent and ready for bedtime. Really, raising E-Man is a walk in the park.

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Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It’s Off to Work We Go!

HAPPY NEW YEAR DEAR FAMILY AND FRIENDS!!!! It’s been a while since my last entry mainly because I started a full time job in November.  So far, it’s been very exciting and interesting, and I don’t regret the transition at all.  Having said that, I am very grateful that I had the opportunity to take up consulting work for six months.  It gave me wide exposure and flexibility with my time that I would not have had with a full time job.  It also allowed me to pursue interests and classes that I could not have were I desk bound.  For that I am truly thankful.

The past two months have indeed been very interesting.  When I shared my news with some family and friends that I went back into full time employment, the top two questions I received were, “So?  Do you have better hours than your previous job?  Do you get to spend more time with your baby?”  And then I have to explain that no, I was under no misconception that I would have better hours.  In fact, I started the role knowing that the hours would be long.  But I believe that in any situation in life, if you are in the position to do so, in order to find meaning in Work, there should be a delicate equilibrium of not only toiling but also learning.  I am also of course very grateful that I was offered this opportunity to pursue my passion in marketing & communications.

Working full time has actually made me a better manager of my time.  Every minute, every hour is precious.  From the half an hour I spend with E-Man in the morning to the few precious hours (if any) I get to spend with him in the evening.  In fact, I feel that now that I work full time, I actually spend more quality time with him than before.

So how have I been managing my EXTREMELY active toddler during the time that I have with him during a busy work week? Honestly, it has been a walk in the park.

Really?  Yes.  Literally.  We try to go to a nearby park a few times a week for an hour each time.  One thing I want to say is that I feel so blessed to live in Singapore – where walking in a public park at 9:30 pm feels no less safer than walking in the park at 9:30 am.  We mainly go to Bishan Park weekday evenings and then maybe the Botanic Gardens on the weekends.  During this time we play catching, throw balls and talk to other park-users.  There are joggers, dog-walkers, dancers, sword-fighters and many, many other children.  I’m going to write a separate post about our time in the park because it truly is a quintessentially Singaporean experience and one that I would like to document and share.  After all, it is an experience not many other people in other parts of the world can understand.

Apart from walks in the park, we visit the various shopping malls after dinner, read books together, play hide and seek and, another personal favourite, throw baby dance parties!  Baby dance parties are a lot of fun.  It’s when we blast pop music and dance our hearts out in the living room.  E-Man goes nuts, he loves it and I must admit, so do I!

We decided to visit Marina Square one evening after work! Thank goodness shopping malls close late in Singapore.

Figuratively speaking, it is not a walk in the park balancing work and baby.  It takes discipline and hard work and more energy than you know you have.  There are other times I work late and miss his bedtime, go out with friends or hole myself up in my room watching YouTube videos.  But we try to spend time with him – and as the great philosopher PINK once said:

“You gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try”

And that’s what matters, right? 🙂

I would love to hear from other working mothers.  How do you manage your time between work and family?

To my fellow Mothers of Boys: We need to take back our boys

Fellow Mothers of Boys.  It is time we stood up for our sons, and with our sons, so that we can create a different tomorrow.

I am tired of hearing people say Be a Man and Big Boys Don’t Cry.  I am sick of it.  When we tell our boys this, they internalise their frustration and their emotions which can, at the very worst, result in abusive, controlling a**holes.  We confuse our boys.  We tell them not to cry, then we call aloof.  We tell them to be good to their mothers, then we call them mama boys.  We tell them to be gentle, then we call them a wuss.  It’s wrong.  It’s insulting.  It’s hurtful.  And it should stop NOW.

To be honest, when I found out I was having a boy, I felt like all my dreams of princess dresses and dainty tea parties went out the window.  I don’t have brothers and most of my cousins are girls.  So I’ve never grown up with a boy (except for my cousin Matt who is much younger and we just made him do whatever we did).  I don’t know how little boys play.  I’m not a sporty person and the idea of driving around in a car filled with dirty rugby jerseys and socks is not something I ever envisioned as a mother.

Of course, Baby E could grow up to love tea parties and that’s fine too.  He might like to be part of his school’s dance troope or like cooking.  It would be pretty cool if he did — imagine all the dinner parties I could throw with my son as chef!

So here I am with my son.  My extremely energetic son.  With him, it’s NON-STOP.  He needs to move, to stand, to explore, to touch, to taste, to break.  He cannot sit quietly for a second.  He cannot stand being still.  He is charged with testosterone that’s for sure.  After speaking with other mothers and on forums, I realise that yes, boys are ALOT more active and curious than girls.  There are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule, but in general, boys have way more energy to spend.  It’s evolutionary – they were the hunters, girls were the gatherers.  Hunters need to constantly be looking for prey, they need energy to run after animals, to run away from animals to FIND animals.  

So as a mother of a testosterone-charged boy, I need to ensure that this energy is harnessed positively, not negatively.

I have a lot to be thankful to my feminist predecessors for.  They have been responsible for giving me suffrage, giving me the right to earn a living outside the home and for giving me the confidence that I have to speak my mind.  To them, I am forever grateful.

But now, I feel we need to take back our boys. 

Our men have all this energy and strength and yet we emasculate them.  Mothers of Boys, we have our work cut out for us.  Hear my battle cry!!  We need to teach them that there are times to be gentle and times to be tough.  We need to teach them that it is ok to cry.  We need to teach them that women are both the weaker AND the stronger sex.  We need to teach them when to stand their ground and when to give in.

Men who have unharnessed energy and strength sometimes end up with bad company.  According to Google, there are 14 times more men in prison than women and men are nine times more likely than women to join a gang.  These statistics are startling.  The recent incident of Elliot Rodgers who killed six people last Friday night did so because he was frustrated he was still a virgin at 22.  Then just today, I read that a 24-year-old man attacked members of a J-Pop band with a saw during a concert.  From Columbine to Newtown to Anders Behring Breivik to Elliot Rodgers – all these mass shootings have been carried out by psychotic men.

Big boys don’t cry, big boys don’t whinge, big boys don’t show weakness.  Boys play with guns, not dolls.  Boys play fight, not play house.  All the games that are marketed to boys are about shooting, killing and fighting, and you wonder why our boys are violent.  We made them that way and now, we have the future in our hands.  We can change it.

We can teach them to love music and dance to the rhythm of the strumming guitar.  We can teach them to create works of art that we can hang on our walls.  We can teach them to play in the rain.  We can teach them to explore the world around them.  We can teach them to cook by stirring a pot filled with flowers.  We can teach them how to enter a world of make believe.  We can teach them how to keep a good and tidy house.  We can teach them to read and write poetry.  We can teach them how to help others who are in need.  There is SO MUCH we can teach them!  The options are endless and the potential is limitless.

Imagine a world filled with men who are kind, gentle, grateful and loving, but with the energy and strength of an army.  Imagine the good that can happen.  It starts with me, and it starts with you.  

Mothers of Boys.  It begins with us.  Let’s take back our boys!

Totally Floored – An Activity for An Active Baby and Mummy!

One of my earliest memories is sitting on my grandmother’s red tiled kitchen floor.  I am not sure what I was doing on the floor, probably chewing a toy or clanging on a stainless steel pot with a wooden spoon.

It has come full circle since I am now on the floor once again with this new activity that I have been playing with Baby E.   He is now 7.5 months but it can be played the moment they start crawling or even during tummy time when they are in their early infant stage.  It is “Follow the Leader”, or our variation of it.  What I do is get down on my hands and knees and crawl in front of him.  When he sees me crawling around like him his face just brightens up.  It’s so beautiful to see!  He then laughs as he tries to follow where I go.  So I crawl in front and then urge him to come follow me.

Whilst crawling on the floor, I have actually discovered a whole new world — from his point of view!  I feel like Baby E is not the only adventurer in the household now!

It also encourages him to crawl more and practice his motor skills.  Previously, all he wanted was to be carried because I guess that was where the grown-ups were at.  We talked down to him and I guess from his perception, all the fun was happening up on top and if you know his character he does not want to miss out on the action.

Now that I have been crawling around the floor with him, he is more willing and even excited to crawl!

By the way, don’t you just love his hot pink Charlie Banana cloth diapers?  #Realmenwearpink!!! 😀

My Water Baby – Swimming with Baby

One of the weekend activities that my whole family looks forward to is bringing Baby E swimming.  It is really a family affair because it takes us at least an hour to get out of the door and then another half an hour to drive to the pool.

We first started him when he was just four months old.  At that age, he wasn’t quite sure what to make of the water.  He kept staring at it and kept his fists clenched — probably due to stress!

Now, at nearly seven months, he seems to have really taken to the pool.  Granted, I have also let him play in his bathtub which helps him get used to the water.  Last Sunday when we went to the pool, he got used to it quite quickly (it had been quite about a month since his last swim) and very quickly started to kick and splash around.  We also dunked his whole head underneath the water a couple of times.

Some people mentioned to me that they put arm floats on their babies.  I personally don’t think it is a good idea because it breeds complacency.  When the baby is in the water, you need to be fully alert.  The baby can drown in a matter of seconds.  That is why constant exposure to water is important because it helps the baby to instinctively keep calm and not panic.

I also read that it is important for babies to learn to float on their back – just as a survival skill.  So that was what I was trying to teach Baby E on Sunday!  He really did so well and even started kicking on his back as well!

When we first started swimming, we used to use Charlie Banana cloth swimming diapers in S as they were a very thoughtful baby shower gift, however he has since out-grown them and now we use absolutelybaby diapers.  I’m not quite sure about them because they don’t have the nice padding that the Charlie Bananas have but they seem to do the trick.  He also wears a pair of Osh kosh b’gosh  swimming trunks over them.

I know some people use disposable swimming diapers.  I’m not sure how those work, seems strange and I’m not too sure about all the chemicals that go into the diapers!

We also use MILK BABY suncreen for babies to protect his delicate skin from the harsh sun!  So many things to worry about now with a baby.  Haha.  I put it on his body AND his bald head.

Would love to hear from you.  How old were your kids when they went swimming for the first time?  Did you use cloth or disposable swimming diapers?

Shove it up your….

The moment E turned five months we started him on solids.  We started with pureed avocado mixed with breastmilk, followed by banana, ground up organic oats, sweet potatoes and mashed peas.  So far, he’s taken to solids easily.  We’ve been lucky on that front.

However, since he started solids, he often went days without pooping.  And if he did, the poop would be hard and pallet like.  After two weeks, we knew we had a problem.  So last week my dad, the expert since he raised three healthy girls, went out to buy glycerin suppositories.

When I saw the suppositories I freaked out.  You mean you were supposed to put that in his bum??  I refused and thought it kinder to let him go a few more days with pallet like stool.

Last Saturday I brought him to the polyclinic.  Funnily the doctor prescribed suppositories too.  Goes to show that grandparents sometimes know best.  Still I refused to put the suppository up his bum.  Until yesterday night when he was crying from discomfort and I could see poop up his bum that couldn’t come out.  So my husband got tasked with inserting the suppository while I held down the screaming baby.

Amazingly, just 10 minutes after the suppository was inserted, he pooped! And he pooped a lot.  One week of poop emerged!!!  You can imagine how relieved we were!  It’s incredible how much poop was stuck in him.  Poor baby!  No wonder he was a grumpy baby.  Only wish we did it earlier!